On Life in Vietnam

Dear brother,

It has been 2 months since I got home. I guess being around you everyday, I didn't really see the need to write you letters. Many things have happened.

It has been crazy time trying to adapt back into the lifestyle here. I had a pretty busy (and healthy) lifestyle. I wake up early, bring you to school. On even days I go to the gym, on odd days I go to French lessons. I work 8-9 hours day. I (try) teach you at night. Then movie/TV/porn or any of the combinations. Life has been kind.

And yet I feel small, and helpless, the feeling I had 8 years ago when I left home. As if life here stands still. No progress is made. I feel (and sometimes I am) bigger than the boy I used to be 8 years ago, and yet I feel incredibly small.

I feel distant to you. And it is understandable. You are a teenager and you have so much to figure out. I just hope you know (as I keep reminding you every 2 days or so) that I am on your side, and I'll support you, whatever choices you make.

I feel distant to the part of me that I'm used to, to my god dad, to my friends in Singapore, to my US friends. It's like I'm in a little island, far more little than Singapore. I know I moved on, and I chose this, but sometimes I miss them.

I feel distant to my old Vietnamese friends. 8 years. It's hard to get back to what we once were. We all moved on so much from there. Different things. Different life view. And as much as I wanted to be there for them, sometimes I do think they don't really need it.

It's a bit of a catch 22. I chose life of a nomad, and yet here I am whining about being disconnected to people I care about.

Anyhow, it's been a strange and surreal 6 months. I'm still adjusting. It's like a long jetlag after 8 years of travelling. I guess it will take time.

But as Elise said, I am a lot wiser now. I have a plan. I have a focus. And I'll get there, somehow.

Let's hope it's sooner, rather than later, as I'm a little bit frustrated with standing still (and mom's nagging).

With love