Death Medication

March 24, 2014 at 1:24pm

Dear brother,

I went to bed after watching Cosmo (a scientific program about space time odyssey) and woke up to the news that the vanished plane has been assumed to be lost in South Indian Ocean. I couldn't help but wonder "How small, and helpless, we humans are, in space, time, and in death?".

On my way to work, a (very drunk) guy asked me for change to take the LRT. I am sure whatever coins he gathered from strangers, he would probably buy more booze. I couldn't help but wonder "What is this guy's back story (to be so drunk at 9AM in the morning)? What sort of life that he has been through that he has to go on from one intoxicated day to another?"

I meditated on these facts. (I know I sound like a New Age sensitive hippie by saying I meditate a lot) It is both disturbing and comforting, to know how fallible we humans are. For every amazing being and scientist, there would be a countered idiotic, bigoted, and violent hundreds of others. "No wonder aliens don't want to talk to us".

There was no answer (in my 9 years of meditation there has never been an answer). I wish I could have been simple, believing in simple if-else conditions. Good Christians go to heaven. Good Buddhists attain Nirvana. Good Muslims have 72 virgins (Apologies for my ignorance to all my Islam friends, this is just a metaphor). Sometimes I feel our own fallacy lies within our own complexity. If only I can live for the now, acknowledging the fact that no matter how vulnerable or invincible I feel on different days, I am only human, I was born alone and I will die alone. Therefore, everyday is an extra chance to live a little better, to love a little more, and to be a little better of a person. Everything ends, in the end.

And with that, I end this note with a quote from Andy Botwin:

"Life is just blah, blah, blah. You hope for blah. And sometimes you find it. But mostly it is blah. And waiting for blah. And hoping you are right about the blah's you made and then just when you think you have the whole blah damned thing figured out and you are surrounded by the ones you blah death shows up."