Change (Cont)

Sat 28th Aug 2010

And so it happened. As we thought it would... well, sometimes I had doubts, but I thought it would finally happen.

I got promoted :) My first promotion (Although this is my third job, given I didn't get to reach this stage in previous jobs...) If I weren't so exhausted I'd probably jump up and down in joy. Now i'm just kinda let it sip in slowly, and enjoy it for what it is.

I'm tired. Been working 14-16 hours day for 3 weeks now. Today I worked 20 hours... I guess it's about time to re-prioritize my life's activities.

It's funny. I worked till the point that mom thought I had an accident. I worked until I forgot who I was and who my friends were. I had to admit I felt isolated and alone at times... I guess this is not the life I wanted, although I thought I wanted to.

I love my job, and I'm proud of the quality of my work. I'm proud of myself. I'm happy to learn from so many brilliant individuals. But, the project has gone live. I have gotten my promotion. My senior and my junior are leaving. What's left here for me?

Change. I feel I'm so ready for change, if I weren't so exhausted right now I'd probably tear someone part just so I can move forward with my life, like my name implies.

Somehow I thought I'd be happier :p I'm indeed grateful now, but everything is in a bit of a "Blah" state... And they wanted someone to replace me, just when I showed sign of weariness and frustrations...

It's hard to make it in life, esp in Singapore, little brother.

Love

Post Apocalyptic Vision

Saturday 7th Aug 2010,

Dear Brother,

I stepped into office, and I see death. People screaming, running around in complete chaos. Phones ringing, machine crashing. There were tears. There were yelling. The wall rumbles at the the sound of mixed chattering and fear. The project has been in Operation for 5 days...

I slept collectively about 24 hours in the past 5 days, while having flu and cough. I was just going on on the shear power of determination, and prayers alone.

It's a war zone. One with over hopeful commander and terrible lieutenant.

I tried to ask for help. Again and again. And in the end I was left alone at the front line.

It's tiring. I just feel like giving up.

Or I already have?

I guess I have made the right choice to tell you not to pick IT. I don't want this life for you. I will not let you come here too. I wish that life could be easy for either of us, and I wish I could have enough money to make sure you won't go through such hardship. But in the end you will, because it's life, and what constantly coming at us doesn't kill us, it will make us stronger somehow.

I don't know how long I can last in this pressure, but I'm dealing with it... I just feel like giving it up all together.

Love

Brother

A new chapter

Singapore, 5:45am 3rd Aug 2010

Dear brother

My first (multi million) project has gone LIVE. And although I'm down with flu with a terrible sore throat, and I have slept collectively about 12 hours in the past 3 days, I am so glad we made it.

It's been a tough 2 years, and it's gonna be another tough 3 months before we can say something for more certain. But it is a milestone in my career, and my life, nonetheless.

You asked me last week what career path should you choose. As your (always pretending to be [know it all]) brother, I advised based on what I thought your strength and weakness are. You said you felt better and you didn't have to think so much anymore.

The truth is. I don't know (I know, by the time you read this it'd probably be too late and you have picked for your own a path. But trust me, you will never regret the one you picked). I feel jealous with you :p I was 14 and I was clueless once. But I had no one there to tell me what to choose. So I picked a path, at 14. I still haven't regretted it, but sometimes I do wonder if it would be easier somewhere else, and not here.

The truth about career and work is that, you have to love what you do. Cliche as it is, because money is more important these days than it used to be, especially with our family. But you have to "stay hungry, stay foolish".

I know you will pick a path, and you will make the right choice.

Just like today, a project which seemed not for my interest, which was so hard and so difficult, which costs me months of working weekend and throughout the night. That project has gone LIVE. And it's being used to service 3 million people from tomorrow on...

It's a new chapter, and as scary as it is, I am ready for it.

I hope you are proud of me, as much as I am proud of you for being that young 14 year old boy figuring his life out :)

Love