Tuesday, December 28, 2010

2010, the year that was

Dear brother,

Another year has passed us by. You are in your last year of Secondary. I have just finished my bond and contract with Singapore. A year full of events has gone by.

If you remembered (which you might, since you will read all these notes at one go), 2009 was the year that I struggled to stand still. I wanted so much to move forward, but I ended up at the same place that I was. Well, 2010 was a moving year, moving forward. I am still taking baby steps, and as frustrated I am, 2010 was a year that I am thankful for.

I completed 6 out of 10 resolutions for the year (which, with my history of failing resolutions, I definitely got a B+ for this. So cheers for me).

I got that promotion I wanted. It came as I thought (and some might say as I deserved). It was a year struggling with work (as you already know), with career aspiration and with moving forward. It is definitely not ideal, but it is nevertheless great!

I got attached (for a while). I forgot how it was to be with someone. But it was kind, and warm, and amazing. Somehow the people I am in love with always ended up my best friends – soul mates. But well, better love and hurt than none. “We have faced our own time of darkness. We have been afraid. Yet we trust that we will find light in our darkness, and risk to love again with courage and faith”

I realized I didn’t want to take an MBA. I wanted it for all the wrong reasons. And so, I have to find a new path, a new resolution, for myself, for my future.

I miss my friends. Although year-end saw our struggles to re-connect, I realized we have grown up, and incredibly grown apart too. Kelly, my best friend, my soul mate, left for Brunei, after cleaning the plate clean in Singapore. CJ got married and got a family of his own, leaving the kids of KE family behind. Fushan got attached too, and is working really hard. James, dear old James, is still being his kind and busy soul himself. And Liu Ting, of course, remains socially single (although a conversation reminiscing her old relationship in Uni made me feel she is lonely, too).

I went soul searching, again. As I’m typing this note to you in an L.A. Starbucks (with a bunch of incredibly high fashioned cute people ), I realized, life is a journey. Every year is just an occasion to look back, but life never stops. No mile stone, no pause, no fast forward, no slow down, and definitely no turning back.

I finally made another 5-year-plan. To take up a monkhood in Tibet/Burma. I know it’s not a kind of plan everyone wants (especially mom). But I found that spiritual place where I wanted to be. And the logistic involved for that would take lots of saving, putting you in college, and settling my life’s messes.

That said, 2010 was fast flying by. It seems like I was in a coma and life has moved without me knowing, for the better, of course.

2011 came knocking. I’m not quite ready for it, but I’ll welcome it anyway. I might set some more resolutions for the new year. I might not. We will see. Life is moving by me fast.

With love

Friday, December 10, 2010

Being alive

Friday 10/12/2010

Dear brother

Im writing to you from Zion Canyon,one of nature most spectaculr scene. We drove 280 mils yesterday to reach here and the drive was breathe tain. It made me wonder,where have I been and what i have been missing out all these years.


today is all we got. Today is all that could be. Being alive,that what i have missed out. Someone wise (my boss)once told me «You cant put your life on hold for anything»and that is true.

I have decided,in the nex 5years,Ill settle all these worldly worries,get you into a good college,and go on a spiritual journey through India,Japan,Tibet,Thailand, Myanma  for a year or so. Maybe follow a monkhood for a few months. Its something I have been wanting to do. APromise of a life time.

To be alive.

Suddenly it seems. The shadows I have been chasing all these while are cleared up. And all is but the gorgeous blue skye on top of a winderful gate to heaven.

OK. Time for some hikes down those rocky trails. Ill upload pictures later


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The end of an era

Wednesday 11:15pm, Changi Airport, Singapore

Dear brother,

I am at the airport, waiting to go to Los Angeles for my 6 weeks trip.

I got released from my project. It was so sudden. They handed me the form, asked me to sign, and then that was it. What I fought for for more than a year, I simply got it. I am free. Released. Off.

I'm supposed I should have been more emo about it, if I have more time to process. It was all just so crazy. I worked till 7pm on the last day, and rushed to the airport. It is not sinking in yet.

2 years. 2 whole years of striving so hard for some thing, of being together with people, co-workers, friends. 2 years. Over.

It's the end of an era. And I'm so ready for change. 6 weeks of travelling across the west coast of US, mountains and beaches, snows and sunshine. I'm grateful to be alive.

It is me, being 25, young, restless, fighting to feel alive. I know spending your hard earned bonus of a crazy trip doesn't seem like a good idea. But, it is NOW. It is now that matters. All that matters. I'm single (i.e. alone), and I need to do this for myself before life gets me.

So well, brother, off I go for another journey of my life :)

I know you are probably jealous. But you'll have your chance. THe good side is, I'd probably pay for your future trips, too. LOL.