Saturday, May 22, 2010

No one cares

Sunday 23th May 2010,

Dear brother,

What I'm afraid of has happened. The inevitable. My heart is broken.

I had a rough week. I went for training 3 days and already many things at work went wrong. I had to come back at night for one. Funny thing was, when I did things right no one cares, when one thing go wrong they all scrutinize of how it could be wrong.

Family is driving me crazy. Coming here with 2 families, and hotels and flights. I love to be with you guys, but in this period of time I'm just not sure if I can be together and be cheerful with you guys.

I spent the rest of the week working 12-14 hours day, going home after midnight. On Saturday, After working 11am - 2pm, I went for class and yet the phone kept ringing. I came back at 10pm and worked till 2:30am. Amidst all that, I was hanging on, and fighting hard. I was hanging on the possibility of hope, and a future out of here, and a future together with the one I love.

Reality slaps me with a bucket of cold water.

It turns out, that no one wants to save or rescue me. They, wanting me to be there and together, and not wanting to deal with my problem...

At the end of the day, I'm all alone...

You'd be here next week. I hope we will have some good time and I can get some rest

With love

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Euro Dream

Friday 07-05-2010

I'm dreaming of Europe...

Been a rough few days at work with arrows flying all over the place. Tiring hearts. I just wished to go into hiding somewhere far.

I'm dreaming of Europe. The sun shines on the Lourve. I speak perfect, though choppy, French. Lovers hand in hand, I walk under the sun. To breathe. To laugh. To photograph. To sit on a boat floating on Venice. To steal a kiss. To run in an endless field. To take a cross country train. To sleep in the arms of love. To be.

Of course I cant do that. I have a job, I have my guys whom I had to take care of and fix their mistakes. I have my rent to pay, my study loan. I have you guys to take care of. I have chains from Singapore. Responsibilities. Bounded.

I know life is not easy for everyone (except for maybe Paris Hilton), but I just wish it didn't have to be so damn hard all the time. I just wish I can be selfish, and simple, and childish, as the child that I am. And I wish for you the same.

They say dreams are limitless. But mine has always been limited by who I am, where I cam from, and who I care for. I don't blame you guys for the lack of choices in my life (I'm thankful), but sometimes I just wish to be selfish, for once, for maybe a few, and run away and

I'm dreaming of Europe...