Thursday, October 20, 2011

About Friendship

Thursday, 20th Oct 2011

Dear brother,

"You expect too much." is what I got from my close friend yesterday. We were talking about not lying to our friends, and she said there are something that we must lie about to our friends.

James has been back in Singapore for 2-3 weeks. Not even a single email to say thank or even just to say hi after the time here.

Maybe I do expect too much.

I expect ingenuity, kindness, and "trying" to keep in touch among friends. I have always offered that in any friendship. I would drop everything for anyone in need to help them.

Maybe I was just being dumb.

That's the thing that I have always struggled with my whole life. Friendship.

There's no definition and there's no clear line. Maybe I do expect too much. Maybe I should care less.

So, brother, do you have someone you can call your true friends by now?

With love

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

On Life in Vietnam

Dear brother,

It has been 2 months since I got home. I guess being around you everyday, I didn't really see the need to write you letters. Many things have happened.

It has been crazy time trying to adapt back into the lifestyle here. I had a pretty busy (and healthy) lifestyle. I wake up early, bring you to school. On even days I go to the gym, on odd days I go to French lessons. I work 8-9 hours day. I (try) teach you at night. Then movie/TV/porn or any of the combinations. Life has been kind.

And yet I feel small, and helpless, the feeling I had 8 years ago when I left home. As if life here stands still. No progress is made. I feel (and sometimes I am) bigger than the boy I used to be 8 years ago, and yet I feel incredibly small.

I feel distant to you. And it is understandable. You are a teenager and you have so much to figure out. I just hope you know (as I keep reminding you every 2 days or so) that I am on your side, and I'll support you, whatever choices you make.

I feel distant to the part of me that I'm used to, to my god dad, to my friends in Singapore, to my US friends. It's like I'm in a little island, far more little than Singapore. I know I moved on, and I chose this, but sometimes I miss them.

I feel distant to my old Vietnamese friends. 8 years. It's hard to get back to what we once were. We all moved on so much from there. Different things. Different life view. And as much as I wanted to be there for them, sometimes I do think they don't really need it.

It's a bit of a catch 22. I chose life of a nomad, and yet here I am whining about being disconnected to people I care about.

Anyhow, it's been a strange and surreal 6 months. I'm still adjusting. It's like a long jetlag after 8 years of travelling. I guess it will take time.

But as Elise said, I am a lot wiser now. I have a plan. I have a focus. And I'll get there, somehow.

Let's hope it's sooner, rather than later, as I'm a little bit frustrated with standing still (and mom's nagging).

With love