26

January 25th 2011

Dear brother,

It's our birthday in 10 days.

Normally by this time I would completely freaked out. Either about career, or relationship, or anything. Birthdays are generally the worst time of the year for me, as I am faced with the fact that I have not moved from where I was.

This year was different. I got what I wanted last year. A career improvement. Someone who stayed (at least for a while). And a direction.

26, in fact, is uneventful. It's not like 15 when there was y2k. It's not sweet 16. It's not 18 when you can start smoking. It's not 20 when 40 people from my hall surprised me at the door. It's not 21 when I was in New York, marking my adulthood. It's not 25, when I have mid life crisis. It's just a year. A number.

Which made me wonder. Am I just getting old? Like most other people. Have I lost that burning drive to move forward, to be?

I am not sure.

I just know it will be an uneventful birthday (as it collide with Tet - Chinese New Year). No candle, no cake, no present, no problem with me. I guess...

I miss having a life with purpose. I miss living, and not existing. I miss loving someone. I miss being free. I miss breathing, almost. That fresh clean air of the mountains...

I need to get out of here. Let that be my birthday wish this year.

With love