The almost affair

Calgary, May 10th 2013,

Dear brother,

No worry, I am not having an affair or involved in any others'. It's just this matter has been annoying me for a while. As I have always told you, honesty is important. But today, I want to look at infidelity from a different perspective.

I had to tell my friend I am not going to hang out with him anymore. His partner was jealous of me (yeah, gay people...) which was not the reason why. The reason is that, after which, he becomes very secretive whenever we meet. Yes, I know, right? If we are not doing anything wrong, why go the extra length to hide it? This is why it is so wrong in 3 level:

- For his partner: He is already jealous, by being secretive you are giving him more reasons to think he is right. Yes, he is an ass. But when you hide details of your meetings to him, and he finds out, then you become an ass. Same goes if you hang out with a girl, especially girls, because they tend to take their friends for granted and desert you whenever the boyfriend is uncomfortable with you.

- For him: He is in the difficult position. At least if he really is cheating he has the sex to satisfy himself. But we are just hang out friends, why do you want to go through the stress? Same for girls, if you are having affairs with them (or not), lying is such stress. And like all lies, it will come out and explode it everyone's face.

- For me: I am not doing anything wrong. I have no wrong intention. Why am I being stuffed in the corner? I have seen "the other woman" before. And truth be told, I am more sympathetic towards them than judgmental. They have to live with the lies, the stress, the judgment, and they don't even have the guy for a decent quality time. But at least they have the sex. Seriously, I am not ashamed of myself, and I am not gonna hang out with people who are ashamed of me for things I did NOT do.

Of course I am upset to lose a friend, especially when I don't have many friends and support system here in Canada. However, it is important in life to do the right thing, and be confident of yourself when you are doing the right thing. There's no need to hide, because it's not doing anything for your self esteem. There's no need to be involved in others' relationship drama because it is not your fight. And lastly, sometimes, you just have to accept a lost and move on.

The lesson here is that it is so important in any relationships to be open and honest with each other. That will give you the way to security and trust, and no matter how many friends your girlfriend/boyfriend has, you will be at peace with it. And don't cheat. Don't be the other man in an affair. You will be hurting others. But worse, the hurt you bear yourself is definitely not worth it.

Either that or you just have to be straight and Caucasian, or Tiger Woods. Then you can cheat all you want :p But no, don't cheat.

Love
Your brother