About our mother

Sat, 12:38 am, 05-12-2009

Dear brother

Just got off the phone with Mom. Gosh, she can really talk, cant she? :) I guess she's excited to come over here to see me (and spend my bonus gift card on Christmas shopping spree). Which reminds me, there are 3 things I need to teach you, on how to deal with mom, when you reach 20s.

1. How to mother-proof your room/house

- If you are my brother, and you are a normal healthy 20 year-old, I assume you keep porn. (Duh! See. I'm cool. I know these stuffs) I assume at this time, technology has advanced so that you will not have them in physical forms. In case you do, DO NOT hide them in typical locations like under your bed or in your wardrobe. That's the first place she will try to tidy up, cos she's a hygiene freak. Instead mix them with your language books (in my case, Japanese) and order them nicely. She'll be so uninterested in those things. Also keep the soft copies in a portable drive. Hide the cable behind the books. She's can be pretty savvy with IT.

- Keep morbid/dark/emo artwork out of her sight. I do hope you do not go down the same road I did. But seeing the way you love Cold Play songs, I'm pretty sure you'd end up loving Six Feet Under. When she's around, try something more "High school musical", which you happen to hate, when you were 13 (i.e. now).

- CLEAN your room. She'll end up cleaning it for you again, and iron your clothes too. But she'll nag less.

2. Pretend to be nice, and happy. Stand your ground. And ONLY argue once a year.

You see my relationship with Mom used to be terrible. She knows nothing about me. I cant stand her nagging and I shut her out of my dark, morbid, sometimes drunk, life. Until when I was 21 and I snapped. She was nagging and crying because I bought my DSLR, which was the first thing I really wanted and I bought with my money. I raised my voice back. I told her how I was sick of being reminded to be poor and suppressed my entire childhood/life. I wanted something and I earned it with hard work. That was when our relationship got better. (I know, our relationship is more complicated than with any girls I've been with).

You see generally pretending to be happy makes her feel safe, and worry less (She can worry, like, A LOT). It also gives her a sense of achievement of being a good mother, which she is, most of the time. But you HAD to argue, ONCE a year. You have to prove to her that you are big, and strong, and all grown up. You have to show her you know what's going on with your life, and you are ready. She'll be unhappy for days, but she'll be proud for years. (Plus she shuts up for a while).

3. Just, love her. Simply as that. She can be annoying, naggy, noisy, occasionally cheap, argumentative, and conservative. But she's also loving, caring, and so so generous. She spent the whole day nagging at me so that I can buy air tickets, arrange a room, and plan for another auntie to come along with her for the trip to Singapore (which makes me sleep on the floor, of the living room...)

Just, love her. Care for her in subtle silent ways (and occasionally send part of your salary home), the same way she cares for you, subtly. Care for the details, the same way she looks out for every details of your life.

And god, she cooks amazing meals!!!