Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Insomniac

3:30AM, 30th Dec 2009

Dear brother

I think I'm lonely.

To the point where even when I worked 14-16 hours a day, I still prefer being at work.

To the point where I go so angry with my friends and myself I decided to lock me up again. I hate myself for being so childish and selfish, but I can't stop the stupid voice of "No one will ever be there for me"

To the point that I even hanged on to a possibility that is impossible, to hang on to someone that would belong to the past.

To the point I re-install an online games just to talk to someone I know.

To the point I named virtual fish after my co-workers and feed them every 2 minutes.

To the point I think I'm going fucking insane.

Forgive me, for I am human.

I wish you were here, 24, so I can tell you how much it sucks being 24, and all alone.

I miss mom, dad, and you. I will go home soon...

With love.

(Still I'm NOT suicidal. I will go back to work tomorrow as firm and strong as I always have. I need this. I'll be fine. Maybe not right now, but 10 years down the road when you read this I will have already been)

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