Dear brother,
Life changes. Every day. In fact, we ourselves change, so much.
Talked to an old friend today, one I used to know well. Told her this "It's strange how life took us to places where we never thought we would be". Here she is, a scientist, marrying a guy that she loves and loves her back, without her parents being there. Here I am, stuck, in my life. Funny how she wished to be a doctor and how much I had wanted to be an architect. Child dreams. I wonder I will ever live long enough to live the dream. At least she got new ones with someone she loves. Me, I have no one.
And there was Q. The one girl I thought I could have loved. These days she have somehow become my own selfish obsession of angst, jealousy, and blame. She might or might not know it, but I'm so sorry. I am very very sorry, for being so unfair to her. For a very long time, I held on to the thought of her as a beautiful tragically cursed jewel that shattered every single time I think about it. Now she's happy. She seems to have found someone whose hands fit her better. Instead of being happy for her, I'm angry. Not with her, with myself. Everyone found a hand that fits. Mine is too ugly to be hold. No wonder she couldn't love it. No wonder no one could.
"The price for love is lost, but we pay for it anyway".
Anyway too much depressing talks these days. I'm sorry. I'm going through a tough time, and the fact is no one's there to help. Got to do with my annual pre-birthday stress, work tensions, and a lot of "Other people are so god damn happy and your life sucks" news.
I'll be fine I guess...
Tomorrow is a new day. I'd have changed by then. But I'm trying to slow it down. I didn't like the person I used to be so much, but I don't like what I am now. So moderation would be nice.
OK, time to go get some work done and study Japanese, I'm way behind in class now...
I just need to get these heavy stuffs out of my chest and get going with my hectic life.
With love,
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