Three

Friday 22nd Jan 2010

Dear brother,

3 days until my first big project go live, and the earth is already shattering.

I can see everyone's starting to panic, fingers starting to point, harsh words starting to fly, and even hidden yet powerful tidal wave of agendas are being pushed. It's horrifying.

Been leaving office at 2am for the past few days. And somehow I have a feeling that it won't change for a LONG while. I hope I have enough strength (and wisdom) to hang in there.

I can feel myself affected by the waves, too. I get irritated easily, I went off the handle and scold people really easily, and I felt completely overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do. I am but (a very old and tired) mortal human.

Scolded little boy a few times today. Poor guy, he's just a fresh grad who is trying so hard to do well in his job (sometimes too hard), and like most fresh grads, occasionally do something wrong and kena scolded by assholes like me. I guess he's learning it the hard way, the way I did. I just hope I did not put him and his spirit down...

Been reading this forum bitching about how horrid and terrible my job and my work conditions are (written by internal staffs and clients alike). Well, personally I feel it's not that bad, but I can feel sympathized and understood through those bitching. I guess nothing in this world is perfect, and whether or not you want to make sacrifices.

Well, 3 more days to apocalyptic Go Live, after which will be endless nights of 24/7 tech support and problem fixing.

Sometimes I just wish I wake up, and for ONE short day, people stops acting like a cliche that they are. Bosses and clients will be kind and understanding to staffs and each other. Friends will keep their words. There will be no hate, no hidden agenda, no distance, no loneliness. It will be a beautiful days for just ONCE.

Of course I am wishful thinking. Today everything proved otherwise. And I have given up the last strand of hope I have left for mankind.

How will I hold on?